| What to do When You Burn Your Family "Bridges" By Susan Farmer Home If you seem to go to far and say or do something that is very hurtful to another family member and you seem to have burned your bridges, here's what to do. First of all, think about what you did and the perspective of yourself and especially the one you hurt. Try to empathize with how they must feel. Now think about what you can do to fix things. First, realize that a burned bridge in real life can always be rebuilt! That is why we have contractors! Now think about the step by step processes involved in building the bridges. It takes time and patience to rebuild the bridge. Well it is the same with family relations. To rebuild these emotional bridges it also takes time, patience, and persistence. First, always start out with a sincere, heartfelt, apology. It is best in person, then phone, then letter or email. It is best in person because that way you can gauge if what you are saying is being accepted or not. If it is not, don't give up. It is only the first step. Also remember, to do this simple step after they have forgiven you and bring it up in the future. If they bring it up in the future, always say, I know and I'm sorry. Even if it means saying it 10 times, a thousand times, or ten thousand times. Don't ever stop saying it. Next, remember this advice is not meant to be applied to friends, but to family as there is a difference. For example, with friends you might push too hard and they might think you are harassing them. Now, realize that trust has been broken. And it takes time to build up that trust again. So once a week, or once a month, think of something you can do to try and rebuild that bridge. For example, send a card, do something thoughtful, or just give them a call or invite them shopping or to lunch or to dinner. Just do something nice. Next, ask them to help you with something that you really need help with. This is a great way to reach out to them, open up to them and show some of your vulnerability. When they do help you, they will feel good about it and will help the bonding process. Next. show them that you are serious about improving yourself. Maybe take a self improvement class, do something compassionate, join big brothers or big sisters and ask your family member to come along. Volunteer, join a charity, or just do something kind on a regular basis. You'll feel good about yourself and you will also become a better person. If you need or want professional help, then do go get it. You may even want to ask the loved one you have hurt to come with you. Don't give up. Eventually, as your family member sees your sincerity, the bond you search for can be rebuilt. Never break trust. I hope this information helps. Warm regards, Susan Farmer |